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Hi everyone who bothered to come here,

Welcome to Writing Gazette, the website by… me, of course. This blog is a way to record the creative, imaginative and fun stories and deep memoirs I write along with Asia For Outsiders and science articles. Plus, I will be dropping exclusives on my new books.

To know more about me, check my about page. (Duh.)

To check out my latest pieces, see My Work.

To find out what’s happening in Asia, check out Asia for Outsiders.

For deep memoirs, check out MemoirsOnAnOddDay.

For my writing, be sure to see some of my short stories and poems, from the comedic (That THING) to plain weird horror (Evil Smiling) to short skits (Phone Calls), from the reverse poem (Am I dumb or smart?) to the Imayo (First Words).

Here are my science articles.

…and psst! Here are some sneak peeks for my books!

And if you are TO IMPATIENT TO READ THIS WHOLE THING AND WANT TO SEE SOMETHING NOW, just scroll down and look through the pages later.

And if you’re super bored, check out the Random Post Of The Day above.

Thanks for stopping by! Don’t forget to support me! (By you-know-what-way! Following, liking, spreading the word etc.)

Fears

  I have a grave fear of heights. And lights. And loud noises.

 Many people think that I’m some lame countryside girl, farmer’s helper and my worst fear is living in a bustling city. It’s sad that it’s true. Free to run wild and play in humongous  forests with ancient trees beats getting squashed on a subway.

  Perhaps this is because I have lived in the calm wilderness so much, I’ve gotten used to tiny anthills in the dirt, warm sunlight on my cheeks and the gentle tinkle of water flowing against rock. When I moved to the city to study, I assumed it would be the same there too. Because we were all on one planet, weren’t we? 

  That was foolish. I found out why the city and countryside were two seperate places, and why they were so far apart. Taking that train to the city was like stepping into another universe. 

  There are so many things wrong with this universe.

  The skyscrapers are too high it is dizzying to look down. (No wonder few people are stupid enough to.) It is impossible to clean fully, cost a lot to build and is a safety hazard to all children unlucky enough to step inside. Imagine a fall from that height! Back at the farm we were more modest. Farmhouses are only two storeys high, so everybody can pitch in to clean. We were not so proud to splurge on our houses; that money is for more useful things, such as new farming tools. Also, the whole family look after the young ones and make sure they don’t accidentally fall off the roof. I don’t think a fall will kill most kids, anyway.

  Natural lighting is out of fashion here. We have neon lights and phone screens. Every night, from the balcony of my apartment, I see streaks of light race across wide pavements of concrete into bright darkness, snaking around square or rectangular buildings. For some reason, it hurts my eyes awfully. It makes my eyes red and dry and terrible. 

  Plus, have you heard the devilish sounds of cars screeching and people shouting and music blasting through speakers and horns beeping and bells ringing and phones dinging and babies crying and runners panting and teenagers screaming and drunk man guffawing and clubgoers partying and singers busking at subway stations and station announcements being made and…

  You get the idea. This whole idea of a ‘city’ is wrong. The gifts Mother Nature gave us– the gifts of the Sun, the moon, the trees, the plants, the nature, the animals, the silence– are wasted by urban fools who think metal monsters with glowing eyes look cool to ride in. We have lost touch with Earth, with greenery, with flora, with fauna– and have hurt our dear planet in the process. And some have already considered moving to another planet, since this is obviously going to be destroyed. So they can destroy another innocent one. Add the fear of losing Earth to my list.

  This is ridiculous. Why can’t we tear down these buildings and turn off these lights and silence the noises?

  I wish this universe of a city didn’t exist.

Originally published on https://nuhafoundation.org/home/blog/bloggingentries/2019/youngwriters/fears/#.XcfH0UYzaM8.

MemoirsOnAnOddDay: The English War (and why I spell ‘colour’ with a ‘u’)

I am loyal to British spelling.

I live in an Asian country where we all spell ‘neighbour’ with an extra ‘u’, so I grew up learning the more troublesome form of this language. ‘Cookies’ are ‘biscuits’, ‘fridge’ is ‘refrigerator’, and ‘eggplants’ are- I need to spell this correctly- ‘a-u-b-e-r-g-i-n-e-s’.

…So yeah, British spelling is quite time-wasting, alright.

Even worse: British English isn’t the major form of communication in the world. It is American English. (20+ years of study goes down the drain.) We have to work with people who turn our world upside down and threatening to have our grammar foundation crumble to the ground all because they put their fullstops inside their inverted commas. (Brain ‘EXPLODES’.)

All the major publications are from the U.S.A. All your favourite cat videos are from the U.S.A. Internationally, nobody calls those fried McDonald’s sticks ‘chips’ anymore.

To wrap my head around this whole confusing concept, I had the two forms of the language spare off in the boxing ring. Here is the breakdown on the ongoing battle between these two forms of the same language.

 Round 1: Spelling                

American English	vs.	British English
Burned (Burned you to the ground!)	vs.	Burnt (You just got burnt bad!)
Offense (I’m going on the offense!)	vs.	Offence (It’s an offence to say that!)
Skillful (I’m skillful enough to know the right spelling!)	vs.	Skilful (I’m skilful enough to  be able to take out an extra ‘l’!)
Organize (I can organize my gym socks.)	vs.	Organise ( I can organise my class notes.)
Canceled (You are so cowardly you almost canceled our fight, sucker!)	vs. (Wait, wait, wait, didn’t we do the ‘extra l’ a few rounds before?)	Cancelled (You are so clumsy you almost cancelled your doctor’s appointment while playing Candy Crush, loser!

    Round 2: Vocabulary      

 

American	vs.	British
Apartment	vs.	Flat
College	vs.	University
Mailbox	vs.	Postbox
(huff…huff…)Soc…cer (I…don’t…think I…can make… it… to…grammar)	vs.	(pant…pant) Foot…ball (pant…me…neither)

      

Okay, quite enough of that nonsense. Take the boxing ring away and have a good rest.

What’s the difference between American and British? No, the real difference?

In a sense, they’re the same. In the same sense, every language on Earth is the same.

All have the same purpose. To let us communicate. Share information. Talk and chat. Write and listen. To learn, to know. And no matter what silly grammar rule, both English languages will be quite similar. I’m pretty sure you know ‘glasses’ are ‘spectacles’, after all.

So here’s the important question: Why do I still use British English?

I use it because I’m forced too. I use it because I’m too lazy to switch to American. I use it because I don’t care whether you spell ‘colour’ with a ‘u’ or not. I use it because ‘color’ sounds strange. I use it because we’re better off writing about more useful and important things than whether ‘tyre’ is spelt with a ‘y’ or ‘i’.

But some people care about that more than I do. I have more important things to think about. (Like when this thing is going to be published.)

Let the battle rage on. (And for the record, I’m spelling ‘fibre’ with the ‘r’ before the ’e’.)

How to make Chess (or Anything Else) Horrible and unpopular? Let me count the ways.

Dear Ask A Sagacious Downer,

There is a serious crime problem going on around my neighbourhood.  A CHESS THIEF’S BEEN GOING ON A RUNNING SPREE STEALING MY ROOKS!!!

I’m sure you know chess is a mind sport that brings immense benefits to both body and mind (and bores the life out of unlucky spectators stuck in their seats). The fact that chess sets are nowadays affordable for most of society (and most of society don’t need to watch people play chess anyway) makes it weird that people would want to take so much trouble to steal them (like they’re million-dollar diamonds or something).

 How can we prevent this?

Regards,

Chess Lover

Dear Chess Lover,

I fully understand and sympathize your position. You truly love chess and need to protect its pieces. I had this same passion with replying to stupid fools with wisdom coupled with pessimism, sarcasm and negativity. Naturally, when I became famous, many imposters wanted to jump on the bandwagon. But I saved my job by what ingenious plan? Making my job less glamorous, the worst job ON THE ENTIRE PLANET! And here’s how you can save your knights, too:

1. Don’t make it sound high-class.

Call off the grand championship at the White House. Make it a game for the beggars and homeless people on the streets. I moved all my columns to neighborhood newsletters. You know, the unofficial ones printed on recycled toilet paper and paying you lunch coupons in exchange for a year’s work.

2. Don’t even let yourself get paid

I went fifteen months without real money for this cause. (The only form of ‘payment’ I allowed was lunch coupons, game tokens and trading cards. Unglamorous, isn’t it?)

3. Why are you even playing chess at all?

Shouldn’t you be working on your algebra?

Regards,

A Sagacious Downer

 

My son eats spinach!

Dear Ask A Sagacious Downer,

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THIS! Like, not ever, never never, but yeah, you would be inhuman if you did. But here’s the shocking news I have to share with you: MY SON LIKES SPINACH!!!

Yes, this is not some joke I’m making up. My son loved spinach ever since he had his first bite, and he keeps eating it since. He’s crazy over it. From insisting to have it every meal (in different recipes from Spinach Bread to Spinach Cakes) to actually wearing custom shirts with ‘I Love Spinach!’ on top, he’s going out of his mind.

Please tell me how to solve this problem, because I don’t think this is just a ‘phase’ in his life. And I’m tired of eating Spinach Spaghetti.

Please, please help me out,

Fruit Parent

Dear Fruit Parent,

Whoa, that’s a new one. Thanks for sending me this. This is so special, unique and unheard of that my intern almost deleted it because he thought it was for a humour magazine.

Your boy no doubt has a serious issue. He’s addicted to that leafy vegetable when millions of kids around the world puke when it’s in their sight. Vegetable addiction.

You seem to like fruits a lot. Getting your boy addicted to fruits it a great way to solve this problem. Not only would he stop getting head over heals for spinach, you wouldn’t complain if he starts wearing ‘I Love Pears’ badges because you love them too. Not only that, it’ll make him much more normal because kids his age probably like pears way more than spinach, whatever Popeye says.

You may want to ban him from the supermarket, though.

Regards,

Sagacious Downer

Ask a Sagacious Downer is a column of fake and comedic letters on weird stuff, and comments on it by a negative wise person. Maybe you can even submit your own suggestions, by commenting below.

I just found money in the rubbish bin…

Dear Ask A Sagacious Downer,

The weirdest thing happened to me the other day, when I was clearing out the trash. You may be thinking, ‘Here goes another of those dummies who claim something extraordinary, whimsical and simply unbelievable happened to them when I’ve dealt with it many times before’, but wait until you hear what happened to me: I FOUND MONEY IN MY TRASH BIN!

It’s nothing much, really, just some $5 notes, but how on earth did they even get in my rubbish bin? Is this some secret angel’s gift? Or is this some stupid April Fool’s Day prank? Please help, dear sage!

Regards you delightful downer,

Poor Poor Joe

Dear Joe,

You are a stupid person on many counts. First, don’t dazzle me with your fantastic wordplay to get you on the top of my list, which is why I had to put this on top priority just to warn future writers on what NOT to do.

Are you so blind and ignorant that you do not know an-eighth of all my refuse bin complaints deal with strange money? Nothing ‘whimsical’, just some monkey dropping random fakes into your trash while taking out the rotten bananas inside.

And you call $5 weird???? $100 is nothing. I would only call 1 million dollars strange enough to be put here.

And update your calendar. It’s July, for heaven’s sake.

You will need someone else to solve your common-sense problems. It’s not worth my time.

Go away now,

Sagacious Downer

Ask a Sagacious Downer is a column of fake and comedic letters on weird stuff, and comments on it by a negative wise person. Maybe you can even submit your own suggestions, by commenting below.